There’s that stand up bit with George Carlin (RIP) wherein he talks about stuff. How your house is just a cover for your pile of stuff and so on. It’s a great bit, you should definitely give it a watch (or read) if you can.
Side note: anyone else find they don’t watch videos unless there are subtitles these days? If there’s a transcript, I’d pick it over the video itself. I can’t be the only one?
Anyway, a few years ago I really pumped the brakes on my shopping habit. It really made me confront my depression when I wasn’t distracting myself with shopping or thinking a new pair of shoes would fill the hole of sadness in me. It’s still tough, so I avoid going to websites to ‘window shop’ and I stay off social media so I don’t get the targeted shopping ads to tempt me (there are still a plethora of emails however, that I’ve procrastinated on unsubscribing from). Breaking the mindset of “well, I’ll get two because it’s two for one” (you don’t need it) or “this site has a huge sale on, omg urgency!” (odds are there will be another sale next week) or “look at how pretty the outfit is, you’ll look just as pretty in it too!” (Lies, lies, lies. Buying self-esteem doesn’t work and believe me, I’ve tried!). I even went through my things to resell or donate, cutting down on things I had multiples of or were never my style to begin with. I’ve been pretty diligent about it, and really thought I’d reduced my stuff.
Then we moved and look at all this stuff I’ve accumulated.
The idea of towering boxes cluttering my home, as you see in the hoarders TV shows, gives me extreme anxiety. What if something crawled in and died, stinking up the house, how would you find it? What if something caught fire? Do you even know what’s in that box over there? That’s a whole other kettle of fish, and I’m not going to poke fun at people with obvious mental issues because of glass houses and stones.
I’m not a wasteful person, I reuse things until they fall apart and don’t really get takeout. I eat my leftovers and I do the thing where you put water in the washing up liquid to make it last longer. I didn’t grow up with a lot of stuff, which has led to me keeping the tactics every who grew up with less absorbs (like making meals from scratch or finding other uses for something that breaks a bit). However, like someone who did grow up with less, when I had disposable income I treated myself to all the stuff I never had. I went from the kid who got one pair of shoes a year (for school) to someone with an impressive shoe closet. I didn’t have to just wear thrift (or homemade) clothes, I didn’t have to eat that pasta bake thing I never liked, and I didn’t need to ask for permission to buy a chocolate bar. I’m not regretting my self-indulgent phase of stacked birthdays of self-gifting, but I can admit to myself why I was doing it and that I’m (mostly) past it now.
If you’re in a similar position from the quarantine (whether from reduced income or just spending so much time at home you’ve re-evaluated your needs), I have a few pieces of advice. The first is the most difficult and painful: work out why you buy things. I would buy certain clothes because I had such low self-esteem I’d be convinced this new thing would make me pretty (hahahah it did not) or because I’d had an upsetting day. To help transition yourself you could buy something that goes away (eg. food, a one use face mask, etc) so you’re not stuck with clutter as you wean yourself off the act of buying. You can unsubscribe from emails, stay off social media, block certain websites, or give yourself a budget if you think you can stick to it. You’re not going to change overnight, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes some time. A spouse, SO or roommate can help you stay accountable.
Also, remember that if you do have a chronic shopping habit then it isn’t your fault. You could be buying to fill a hole of sadness or even unsure where to direct your energy. You could have someone in your life who pushes you into bad choices to help justify their own. There’s no good or bad reason, just don’t think you’re condemned to that behavior now that it’s started. Blame capitalism, if you want. Blame parents. Blame childhood trauma. Assign the blame, and then let go. Easier said than done, I get it. But if it helps, I believe you can do it 🙂
the girl with the most cake 